Day One: Cut a bitch
Day Two Hunger strike
Day Three: Launch a new line of fashionable, designer SCRAM bracelet caddies
Day Four: Give birth to baby made before going to jail. Send this baby direct to DVD.
Day Five: Get some much needed rest.
Day Six: See just how green your thumb is in the prison garden!
Day Seven: Enjoy a good dump.
Day Eight: Uphold New Year's resolution for 20% more side boob.
Day Nine: "While away the hours, conferrin' with the flowers, consultin' with the rain. And my head I'd be scratchin' while my thoughts were busy hatchin'...."
Day Ten: Use (1) phone call to finally join Quest personals. 'Cause, "you don't have to be alone tonight -PICK UP THE PHONE!"
Day Eleven: Get philanthropic 'n shit with your favorite charity: Shots for Tots
Day Twelve: Make up with dad. ....or maybe just enjoy a mess hall smoothie.
Day Thirteen: Take advantage of vocational opportunities to join the ranks of the prison volunteer fire department.
Day Fourteen: Outfit the whole place in fancy new window treatments.
Day Fifteen: Remake Mean Girls. Only this time the mean girls are really mean -like, kill you mean.
Day Sixteen: Absolutely, positively do not do all the contraband cocaine in the joint off this mirror. Like, don't. For reals.
Day Seventeen: Utilize laundry room steam press to create hysterically ironic Jersey Shore inspired transfer t's! Dibs on the D.A.R.E. one!
Day Eighteen: Find a hotter girlfriend.
Day Nineteen: Rehearse for role in the new movie, Million Dollar Baby 2, only to be replaced by Will Smith's kid.
Day Twenty: Reach out for help.
Thank God for Orlando's good spirit :) If he hadn't come to the Raisa Gorbachev Foundation Party to help raise funds, and hadn't brought girlfriend/supermodel Miranda Kerr (one of my favorite new girls btw) we still wouldn't have seen Miranda's boob slip. The slip is abnormaly small, but the girl is abnormaly hot, so I say it's worth it!
